Harsh reality

hi.


Thinking back, I was busy preparing for my Sem 2 STPM. Until a friend of mine came asking me: "Why do we study?" This question hit me hard. Good question.

Why do I study? I started thinking; & here I am, typing out this entry.

I asked him back. "To gain extra knowledge? But I'm really lazy and don't have motivation to study." he replied. Yup, he was relaxing although exam was just around the corner while me studying like a mad cow.

I don't think I were having that concept while studying, more to memorizing the book. I study because I have to. I have no choice. It's a process. I have no talent in doing anything. Uhm, wrong way to say it. It should be: I haven't found my talent yet.

A wise friend of mine gave me an advice: "Learn to relax before you learn to study." How to relax I can't. I'll literally stress myself out.

One of my friend, he is really talented. He is good in studies, cooking, music, singing, sports, communicating, shares etc. His future is shining aglow.

I studied so hard to achieve flying colours, to not let people look down on me; you know, the kiasu cina spirit. Hahah yes, indeed. To not let my parents down, it really breaks my heart to see their disappointed face. To get a good career? I don't even know what I want to be in the future. Wanted an easy job, but low pay. The ones with high pay, I have no interest and have to study really hard. I want high pay. Doing job I don't like for the rest of my life? Reality; human greed I suppose.

I'd prefer wasting my time at home everyday in front of a computer or tv, or hanging out with my friends than going to school. Though it sounds unproductive, but I don't feel like I'm learning in school. Too much distractions, I'll just talk to my friends and gain no knowledge. And sometimes it seems like I’m being locked up in a jail, teachers were all absent or maybe teacher not planning to teach and we're not allowed to go home, why.

Sigh, I only live once, why can't I do things I like? I mean, I can but I can't. If you get what I mean..




That's all for now, bye.